Should
Christian Parents Spank Their Children?
By Rick Creech
Chapter 1
To
Spank Or Not To Spank
Should Christians spank their children?
Some Christians think that a parent should spank their children because they
think the Bible tells them to do so. Because Christians believe the Bible to be
their instruction book on both faith and practice, it’s very important to
carefully consider exactly what the Bible has to say on the subject of the
parent-child relationship, especially in regards to spanking. To spank or not
to spank, that is the question.
If you love your children, then one of the
great desires of your heart is to see your children grow up and do the right
thing and become the best that they can be. There are no guarantees, but loving
parents want to make sure that they do everything that they ought to do in
order to increase the odds in the favor of their children. There is a warning
to parents in the New Testament to make sure that they do not do something that
ends up provoking the children to wrath. The first part of Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, provoke
not your children to wrath." What a shame it would be if a parent should start
the responsibilities of parenting with the wrong idea about what is important
in the upbringing of their children. In spite of how much the parent loves the
child, the parent might end up influencing the child in the wrong way.
We are going to look at what the Bible has
to say on the subject of disciplining children. Does the Bible instruct parents
to spank their children?
Chapter
2
Important Principles To Know To Correctly
Interpret The Bible
In order to interpret the Bible correctly,
we must always remember that some passages are meant to be taken literally and
others are meant to be taken symbolically. If you take a particular passage of
the Bible literally when it was meant to be symbolic, then you will not
understand its true significance. For example, Jesus often taught by using
parables. When He taught about a sower who went forth
to sow seed, He was not primarily talking about real seed that a farmer plants
in the ground. The seed was symbolic of the Word of God. If you do not
understand the symbolism, then you do not understand what is really being
taught. The Bible is accurate and reliable and literally true in all passages,
but passages that have symbolism cannot be completely understood unless the
symbolism is understood.
Another important thing to realize when
studying the Bible is the fact that the Bible is divided up into the Old
Testament and the New Testament, and some of the things of the Old Testament
were done away with when the New Testament came into place. John
Never forget that there is a difference
between the Old Testament and the New Testament, and when you read something
from the Old Testament you should always try to determine if what you are
reading is something that has been more completely revealed in the New
Testament. Is there a moral principal involved that should be applied
differently now that we live in the age of grace? In the case of the woman who was
taken in adultery, Jesus did not allow the people to apply the strict
punishment of the Old Testament law. There are other harsh punishments
instructed by the Old Testament law that we also no longer apply today. Some of
these instructions have to do with the correction and discipline of children.
Jesus taught this important principle about
the difference between the old and the new. Jesus taught that the old and the
new should not be mixed. The new is a replacement for the old. Do not make the
mistake of improperly mixing the old with the new. Jesus said in Matthew 9:16,
“No man puts a piece of new cloth onto an old
garment, for that which is put in to fill it up takes from the garment and the
rent is made worse.”
In the example that Jesus gave someone needed
to repair a tear in an old garment. To properly fix the garment so that the
tear would not be noticed, a patch needed to be used that would blend well with
the garment. A new patch on an old garment just would not do. The purpose of a
new garment is to replace an old garment and not to patch it. In many ways the
Old Testament and the New Testament cannot be mixed either. The new does away
with the old. The new supersedes the old and gives a better, a higher, and a
more complete way. It takes a certain amount of understanding and perception to
determine which things in the Old Testament are tied to the parts of the law
that have been fulfilled and that have been put away by the New Testament. The
law came by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.
In pointing this out we want to make clear
that we are in no way implying that the Old Testament is not valuable or useful
as part of the Word of God. The Old Testament is just as much a part of the
Word of God as the New Testament. Second Timothy
But we must not forget that the New
Testament is a more recent and a more complete revelation of certain truths
from God. We live in a different age than the people of the Old Testament. We
live in the age of grace, and the New Testament tells us higher and nobler
things than were revealed in the previous age, especially in regards to the
Messiah who is Jesus Christ the Lord, and especially in regards to the faith
and practice of those who believe in the Messiah and who follow the Messiah.
One more thing needs to be said about the
relationship between the Old Testament and the New Testament. Even though the
New Testament is a more recent and a more complete revelation of the truth from
God, the Old Testament and the New Testament are intricately intertwined. In a
real sense the New Testament is a commentary on the Old Testament and an
explanation of the Old Testament. That’s why there are such a vast number of
quotations of Old Testament passages in the New Testament.
If you have a Bible that includes in the
margins all of the references to other Bible passages, then you can see this
very easily. For example, Romans chapter four is a great chapter in the New
Testament on the subject of justification by faith. It has references to
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, and the Psalms. We could go through each book of
the New Testament and find a massive number of direct quotations and references
to Old Testament passages. That’s because the New Testament is directly related
to the Old Testament. The New Testament clarifies Old Testament teachings. The
New Testament emphasizes the things from the Old Testament that we still need
to observe. Be careful. Do not try to live in the context of the Old Testament.
Understand the relationship between the Old Testament and the New Testament,
but also understand that the New Testament has brought a more complete way and
a better way in many respects.
There is a vast amount of information in
the New Testament about the husband-wife relationship and about the
parent-child relationship, and not one thing is said about spanking. Surely if
spanking were an important part of bringing up a child in a Christian home in
the age in which we live, something would have been said about spanking in the
New Testament. Surely if spanking were so important for Christians, there would
be at least one New Testament passage that would tell Christian parents clearly
to spank their children. In the New Testament we are told to teach our children
and we are told to correct our children and we are told to love our children,
but we are never told to spank them.
Chapter
3
Old Testament Passages Used To Justify Spanking
The Bible verses that are most commonly used
by some to teach that Christian parents should spank their children come
entirely from the Old Testament and are:
1.
Proverbs
2.
Proverbs
3.
Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if you beat
him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat
him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell."
4.
Proverbs 29:15 "The
rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to
shame."
There is an important question to ask about
these verses from the Old Testament. Do they apply today in the same way that they
did during the times of the Old Testament, or are these verses other examples
of the harshness of the law that are no longer to be applied in the way they
once were because we live in the age of grace? A good interpretation of these
verses is to say that the same principle still applies, in that children still
need to have the proper amount of correction, but the correction should not be
applied with corporal punishment.
If we are going to take some of the verses
of the Old Testament that have to do with the punishment of children and apply
them literally, then we should take all of the verses in the Old Testament that
have to do with the punishment of children and apply them all literally.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 says, "If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will
not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when
they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and
his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and
unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city,
This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a
glutton and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with
stones, that he die: so shalt
thou put evil away from among you; and all
Of course, no one teaches that we should
apply this passage in Deuteronomy to our current day and age or that we should
apply it when we correct our children today. We recognize that the passage from
Deuteronomy in the Old Testament was for a different age and a different time.
It is much too harsh for the day in which we live. We can look at the verses in
Proverbs that have to do with using a "rod" on a
child in the same way even if we interpret these parts of Proverbs literally. A
good and valid interpretation of the Bible is to say that the above verses from
Deuteronomy and the Proverbs are among the things from the Old Testament that
are a part of the harshness and strictness of the law that should not be
applied in our day because of the difference between the Old Testament and the
New Testament and because of the difference between law and grace.
Chapter
4
Symbolism
We should also look at the possibility that
the aforementioned verses in Proverbs should be applied symbolically. Of
course, we are not trying to imply that there should be no correction or no punishment given to children, but only that it does not have to
be corporal punishment. If we give a symbolic meaning to the verses in
Proverbs, then the "rod of correction"
would simply mean that correction is a rod. Compare Proverbs 14:3 where the
word "rod" is used in another context that does not
involve the correction of children, and very obviously does not involve a
literal rod either. It says, "In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the
lips of the wise shall preserve them."
This verse means that pride is a rod. It does not mean that there is a literal
rod or stick in the mouth of a foolish person. We do not have to interpret the
phrase "rod
of correction" as a literal rod
either. It means that correction is a rod. In other words a parent must be sure
to give the proper correction to a child when the child misbehaves. Some of the
verses in Proverbs are not teaching a method of correction, but they are
teaching the importance of the proper amount of correction. Proverbs 29:17
says, “Correct thy
son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” Do not make the mistake of assuming that this
verse or others like it are referring to corporal punishment.
In the book of First Corinthians Paul was
writing to the believers in the city of
Chapter
5
Do Not Equate Correction With Corporal
Punishment
Children, just like adults, love to hear
positive things said to them and about them. To not hear those things is in
itself a punishment and a correction. When someone wants to do what is right,
just a reminder that they have failed can be an arrow that pierces the soul.
Look at the shame and the discouragement and the humiliation that came over the
Apostle Peter once he realized that he had denied the Lord, and it did not even
take a human voice to remind him of his error, just the crowing of a rooster.
In the New Testament Hebrews 12:6-7 says, "For whom the Lord
loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives. If you endure
chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father
chastens not?" In these verses the
chastisement that God sometimes gives to us is compared to the chastisement
that a father gives to his son. But God does not beat us with a literal rod,
and He does not strike us physically. We are reminded of the way in which He
dealt with Peter. He simply lets us know that He is displeased with us. God’s
chastisement is primarily communication whereby He lets us know that we have
failed, and then we are stricken in our conscience. The correction that the
parent is responsible for giving is the communication with the child whereby
the child knows that he has failed, knows why he has failed, and knows that the
parent is displeased with him. We humans are very sensitive creatures. It does
not take much to let someone know that you are not pleased with them: a glance,
a frown, a gesture. If the parent and child have a loving relationship, there
will be no greater punishment for the child than to know that the parent is not
pleased. The child will live and breathe just to hear these words from the
parent: "Well done, my child."
Jesus warned His followers against using
violence. The Bible says in Matthew 26:52, "Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his
place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword." Jesus also taught that the way that you
treat others is the way that they will end up treating you. He said in Luke
6:38, “Give and it shall be given unto you. Good
measure, pressed down and shaken together, and running over, shall men give
into your bosom. For with the same measure that you mete withal it shall be
measured to you again.” There will be
negative consequences to the use of violence. Violence begets violence, and
striking begets striking. When a parent strikes a child, it can be a form of
violence. Often your own behavior and actions will teach your children more
than your words. Do not make the mistake of teaching your children to use
violence because of the example that you have given to them.
Jesus told His followers to be as wise as
serpents, but as gentle as lambs. In First Timothy chapter 3 we are given the
qualifications for a Christian man who might be selected as a pastor of a
church. One of the qualifications is listed in verse 3 as "no striker". This
means that he should not be someone who strikes other humans. There are no
exceptions given. He should not strike his neighbors, he should not strike his
co-workers, he should not strike his wife, and he should not strike his
children. In the Bible verse that follows the one that says that a pastor
should not be a striker, the Bible says that the pastor should have "his children in
subjection with all gravity." If
striking the children was meant to be used as one of the means to keep the
children in subjection with all gravity, then this would have been an excellent
occasion to give spanking as an exception to the commandment to be "no striker", but no exception is given. A pastor should
not be one who strikes others, and that includes his children. If a pastor
should not be a striker of humans, then it should certainly be the goal of all
other Christians also.
Chapter
6
Discipline Refers To Teaching
Do not misunderstand. The right kind of
correction is very important for all human beings, and especially for children.
Correction is part of the learning process. If a person makes a mistake, the
mistake needs to be corrected. The result of the mistake needs to be corrected,
and the reason for the mistake also must be corrected so that the same mistake
will not happen again and so that a worse mistake does not happen next time.
One reason that people do the wrong thing
is because of a lack of understanding or a lack of knowledge of what the right
behavior should be. One value of the Holy Bible is the instruction given
concerning proper human behavior. Second Timothy
Of course, sometimes we do the wrong thing
even when we know what we should do. That is why a mature Christian will do the
proper amount of self-examination on a daily basis, and when necessary will
confess and forsake his sins. But a child is similar in some ways to an
immature Christian and has not yet developed the discipline to do this
self-examination. The role of the parent is to assist the child in this matter,
not with corporal punishment, but with correction, reproof, and rebuke. It is a
responsibility that is similar to that of a pastor with his congregation. Paul
wrote to Timothy about this responsibility in Second Timothy 4:2 where it says,
“…reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering
and doctrine.” Corporal punishment is not the emphasis of the New
Testament as an indispensable part of bringing up a child. As a matter of fact
spanking is not mentioned or even implied in any part of the New Testament. The
right kind of correction, centered around the right
kind of teaching, is emphasized. More than anything else a parent should be a
teacher of his or her children.
The goal of the parent is to assist the child
in having the best behaviors possible. In order to accomplish this goal it is
important to know why people do what they do. Why do humans do what they do? If
you know the answer to that question, then you will also know why your children
do what they do, and you will know the best way of influencing their behavior.
One of the reasons that human beings do what they do is because it’s what they
want to do. All humans make choices. You cannot force anyone to do anything, if
they choose to resist at all cost. We have put too much emphasis in our society
on the power of the parent to control the children. In the Ten Commandments
there is one commandment that addresses the parent-child relationship, and it
puts the responsibility on the child. It reminds the child of his
responsibility to do what he ought to do. It says, "Honor your father and mother" in Exodus
Both the Old Testament and New Testament
put major responsibility on the children. It’s the children, the attitude of
the children, and the choices of the children that will determine if the child
is good and obedient or not. Spanking is not the factor that will determine the
issue. One reason is because violence begets violence and anger begets anger.
Right after admonishing the children to obey the parents, the writer of
Ephesians turns to the fathers and gives them a warning about their own
behavior and how they react to the children. The first part of Ephesians 6:4
says, "And
you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath."
Anger and violence are to be avoided in the
correction of children. What is the principle responsibility of the parent in
regards to the children? If the children are going to eventually make their own
choices and their own decisions in life, just like all human beings, then where
do the parents fit in? The second part of Ephesians 6:4 gives the answer. It
says, "...bring
them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." "Nurture and admonition" refers to what you say to a child: what you
teach them. The responsibility of a parent is to teach a child what is true and
good about the various situations of life, and then the child will have all the
information that is necessary to make the best decisions.
But there are no guarantees. A child can be
taught what is wise and good about a certain situation, but still reject the
wisdom that was given. You will not be the only one teaching things to your
children. The world will also be teaching them. Your children will hear other
ideas about life, as well as the things that you tell them. Every child will be
tempted because every human being is tempted. They will hear some good and some
bad, and then they will make choices. The parents’ responsibility is to ensure
that the children will at least have one source from which they will hear what
is good. When Solomon wrote the book of Proverbs, he began it as a parent
speaking to a son and pleading with the son to make the right decisions and to
not go the wrong way. That’s the best that a parent can do. Ultimately, the
child makes his or her own decisions and then must live with the consequences
like every other person on the earth.
Solomon wrote in Proverbs chapter one and
verses 8-15, "My
son, hear the instruction of your father, and forsake
not the law of your mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto your
head, and chains about your neck. My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou
not. If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let us lurk secretly
for the innocent without cause: Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and
whole, as those that go down into the pit: We shall find all precious
substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil: Cast in your lot among us; let
us all have one purse: My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain your
foot from their path."
The primary responsibility of the parent is
to teach the children and to clarify the issues. But for someone to be taught something, there must be a teacher who teaches and a student
who listens. The teacher must have the right attitude and the right approach of
a teacher in order to be a good teacher, and the student must have the right
attitude and the right response of a student in order to be a good student.
Proverbs 4:1-2 says, “Hear, you children, the
instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good
doctrine, forsake you not my law.” The objective is that learning would
take place, but certain kinds of failures on the part of the parent or on the
part of the child will be an obstacle to the learning process. If the parent is
too punitive or critical, then the child may be provoked to wrath and learning
will not take place. On the other hand if the child is too rebellious and
stubborn, then the child will not listen to the parent and learning will not
take place. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is
old, he will not depart from it." Rich
rewards are promised when the child is properly trained by the parent, but the
training will only take place if two things happen. First, the parent must give
the proper information in the proper way. Second, the child must welcome and
receive and apply the information that is given to him from the parent. If
either of the two things fail to happen, then the
child will not be trained up in the way that he should go.
There are no guarantees. If someone is
given good and wise teachings about life and about what to do in various
situations, and then rejects the teachings, where does that leave that person?
Adam and Eve had two sons. Undoubtedly, both sons heard the same information
from their parents. One of the sons evidently rejected the teachings and became
a murderer. It was not the fault of the parents. It was the fault of the son,
Cain. The same kind of thing can happen to any parent. A parent might give the
right information in the right way to the child, but the child may choose to
not follow the instruction that was given to him or her. That’s the fault of
the child, not the parent.
Chapter
7
Life Is A Teacher
When a child does make the wrong choice,
then he will suffer the consequences. That’s one of the ways in which we are
all punished. Life punishes us and teaches us when we make wrong choices, and
that’s why older usually means wiser. You will either learn from your parents,
or you will learn from life. The quicker and the safer way is
to learn from the parents. Life can be dangerous, and a foolish decision can
result in a shortened life. Ephesians 6:2-3 says, "Honor your father and mother; which is the first
commandment with promise; That it may be well with
thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth."
Because life is such a good teacher and
punisher, parents must be careful to not be too over-protective. The goal is to
protect the children from the dangers of life, but not to keep them from
learning the lessons of life. A good example of this is the child who
habitually forgets to take his lunch to school. On hearing that the child is at
school again without his lunch, the over-protective parent interrupts a busy
schedule and rushes off to school to make sure that the child does not go
without lunch. In such a case the child learns nothing and is apt to be just as
disorganized the next day when getting things together for school. In a case
like this spanking would not be appropriate either. Why not allow life to
correct and instruct the child? Hunger caused by the forgetfulness of the child
would be a great motivator the next morning when the child prepares for school.
Quite a few years ago an outsider visited a
tribe of Sioux Indians in
One day I was talking to a beautician in
When I made this point, she recounted to me
the following story concerning a problem that she once had with her young son
playing in the street. She had tried everything that she could think of to get
him to stop playing in the street. Nothing worked: not spanking, nor threats, nor explanations. Finally, an idea dawned on
the young mother. She took her child down the road and found an animal that had
been killed and then run over several times. The mother showed the carcass to
the child and made it clear that this is what happens from playing in the
street. Her son never played in the street again. The lessons of life, what
really happens as a consequence of certain behaviors, are the best teachers of
all.
Jesus taught a parable in Luke 15:11-32
that is called the parable of the lost son. We will quote Jesus from Luke
15:11-24 where He said, “A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said
to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that fall to me. And he
divided unto them his living. And not many days after the younger son gathered
all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his
substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty
famine in that land; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself
to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat:
and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired
servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with
hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And
am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
And he arose and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his
father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and kissed him. And the son said
unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no
more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to the servants, Bring
forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes
on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and
be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again: he was lost, and is
found. And they began to be merry.”
Of course, Jesus taught this parable to
show some important things about salvation. Jesus taught this parable to show
how much God loves lost souls because the father is symbolic of God. Jesus
taught this parable to show that no matter how great are your sins, God will
always forgive you and receive you if you turn from your wicked ways and turn
to Him. When Jesus created this parable from His infinite mind, it was not by
accident that He used the relationship of a father and his sons. Therefore, it
is important for us to notice about this parable the fact that the father did
not punish the son in this incident. The son was definitely punished, but not
by the father. The son was punished by life, and the son was punished by
suffering the consequences of his own actions and his own decisions. The father
is pictured by Jesus as being compassionate, gentle, and merciful. May God have
mercy on our souls if our children grow up and do not view us as having
characteristics similar to this father. If we are not
compassionate, gentle, and merciful to our children, then what have we done to
them?
Chapter
8
Why Do People Do What They Do?
People do what they do because they think
that is how they will obtain the desired results. In other words most actions
are done for positive reasons: in order to obtain that which is desired. A
comparatively smaller number of actions are done for negative reasons: in order
to avoid undesirable results. Punishment may be necessary at times, but the
fear of punishment will influence actions in a relatively small way because
punishment is a negative way of influencing behavior. The best way to help
motivate your children is to give them positive reasons to do what you would
like them to do. Praise and reward for the proper behaviors have a much greater
possibility of success than condemnation and punishment for the undesired
behaviors. The Apostle Paul did not make great efforts in evangelizing the
world out of fear of punishment from God. One of the reasons that Paul did what
he did was because he looked forward to receiving rewards from God for his
efforts. Paul wrote in Second Timothy 4:8, “Henceforth there is laid up for me
a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at
that day.” Paul also wrote to the Corinthians about having the proper
motivation to live the Christian life. According to Paul, this motivation
includes the desire to win prizes and rewards from God. Paul wrote in First
Corinthians 9:24-25, “Know
you not that they which run in a race run all, but one receives the prize? So
run, that you may obtain. And every man that strives for the mastery is
temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we
an incorruptible.”
Sometimes the results that people seek are
good, but in order to obtain those results, actions are chosen that fail to
give what was wanted. One of the challenges of life is not only to have the
proper goals, but to know which actions will result in the fulfilling of those
goals. Someone who really understands how life works will know which actions to
take in order to accomplish the desired results. Loving parents will want to
reinforce the best actions in their children. Honesty and integrity and
dependability and other traits of a good character are the things that a parent
will want to reinforce in their children. Such things will be best reinforced
by the positive effect of praise and reward. Constantly look for ways to
influence your child’s behavior through praise and reward.
My wife and I have three sons. For a period
of a couple of years I often tried to get my oldest son to mow the lawn. For
some reason this became a source of contention between the two of us. It seemed
that he always wanted to do something other than mow the lawn. Threats and
other punishments made little impact. One day my second oldest son came to me
and asked me if he could mow the lawn. I gladly granted his request, and when
he was finished, I praised the job that he did and gave him a reward of several
dollars. For many years afterward most of the lawn mowing was done by the
second son, something that he did willingly and happily, and of course he was
always rewarded for it. Notice the difference between negative reinforcement
and positive reinforcement. Which method had the best effect on obtaining the
desired behavior? Parents need to look for more opportunities to use praise and
reward to get the desired behaviors instead of using threats and punishments.
Chapter
9
Spanking Is Negative
Punishment is necessary at times, but
corporal punishment is never necessary, and it definitely is not a requirement
of the Bible. Spanking is not wrong of itself, but it can be easily abused, and
it certainly is not commanded in the New Testament that Christians spank their
children. As previously noted, there are other ways of looking at the verses of
the Old Testament that some people use to justify spanking. For those who think
that spanking is important in the upbringing of children, they should be aware
of the fact that spanking can be easily abused. If you think that a child
deserves a small spanking for something that he has done, then what does he
deserve when something really bad has been done? When does a person cross the
line from giving a spanking to giving a beating and then to committing abuse?
How do you define that line to a parent, and how do you teach a parent to not
cross that line? If people would use other means of correcting their children
rather than corporal punishment, no one would harm a child by having crossed
the line.
If parents spank their children, they may
be giving the message that it’s good to strike another human if you are bigger
and stronger and if you do not like what that person has done. Sometimes young
children learn behavior by copying their parents’ behavior. Some children learn
to hit other children because they themselves were hit by their parents. To
strike someone in any context is an act of aggression and violence. We often
ask why we have such a violent society. One reason may be because of the
violence that some children learned through the spankings they received from
their parents.
The goal of the parent should be to become
a teacher and a trusted advisor to the child. Discipline is important, but do
not forget the primary meaning of the word discipline. The American Heritage
Dictionary gives the primary meaning as: “Training
that is expected to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior, especially that which is expected to produce moral
or mental improvement.” To discipline does not mean to spank; it means to
train and to teach. The followers of Jesus were called disciples, not because
of punishment that they received from Jesus, but because of the teaching that
they received from Him.
Parents who spank their children may forget
just how much bigger they are than their children. Violence puts a wedge and a
barrier between parent and child. There are children who grow up spending the
rest of their lives fearing the voice of their father or remembering with
terror hearing his footsteps coming up the stairs. Such tales of tormented
souls and divided families would have never happened if more people had taken
the time to teach and instruct their children, instead of the quick way out
that spanking appeared to give them.
Even those who teach that you should spank your
children would admit that there is an age at which the child is too young to
spank and there is an age at which the child is too old to spank. Obviously no
one would spank a new-born. They would too easily be hurt, and they would not
understand what was being done or why any way. How do you define exactly when a
child is old enough or big enough to spank? No one can define that, and the
Bible does not define it either. For this reason alone it is better not to
spank. Do you want to harm a child physically or emotionally? If not, then do
not use corporal punishment.
Chapter
10
Other Cultures Did Not Spank: With Good Results
Spanking can easily be counter-productive.
There are examples of peoples who used little or no spanking, and yet who had very
good results in seeing their children become responsible and well-adjusted
members of their society. Corporal punishment has the possibility of driving a
wedge between parent and child. Anything that injures the trust between parent
and child can only be negative and harmful to the child-rearing process. It is
critical that the child views himself as being loved and being accepted as a
part of the family unit. As the child matures this confident
sense of belonging will naturally be transferred by the child to other
relationships in the community and in his world.
Spanking and the violence associated with
spanking can drive this sense of belonging out of a child. In a study of the
Iroquois Indians made by B. H. Quain in the book
entitled Cooperation and Competition Among
Primitive Peoples it was noted, “Corporal punishment was not used… Thus the
parents’ reputation for benevolence was kept intact: there was nothing in the
child’s life to alienate him from the kin group.” The author noted the
following major characteristics of the Iroquois society: “Insistence upon
social virtues which are defined as bravery and initiative on the one hand and
support of the established order on the other,” and the Iroquois society was described as having a “well-organized cohesive kin
group.” We must emphasize once again that these things were accomplished
without the corporal punishment of their children.
The loving parent will want to see his
child grow up with a healthy view of self and with the right kind of self-esteem
and self-confidence. There is a logical connection between the wrong kind of
corporal punishment and harm to a child’s self-esteem. Is there any evidence
from a study of human beings that a lack of corporal punishment can be related
to high self-esteem? In a study of the Dakota Sioux Indians written by
Jeannette Mirsky in the book Cooperation and
Competition Among Primitive Peoples she noted that
in the upbringing of their children that “there is very little corporal
punishment.” Then in describing these people it was noted that they were
characterized by “marked ego development,” and that the Dakota had “relatively
high security” and a “strong kin group.”
Those who think that corporal punishment
and spanking are important elements in the upbringing of a child run the risk
of harming a child’s self-esteem and view of self. They also run the risk of
being on the wrong side of a serious warning given by Christ when He said in
Matthew 18:6, “But whoso shall offend one of these little
ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged
about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” To
offend in the Greek language means to cause to stumble. Every child has
such a great potential. Only the proper training can bring that potential to
fruition. The wrong kind of correction can be a stumbling-block to the healthy
development of the child.
Corporal punishment is not the answer.
Strictness and harshness are not the answer. As in most things in life, the
answer can be found in the example that Jesus gave us. Surely anyone who reads
the gospels does not get a picture of Jesus striking a child for any reason.
Jesus gave us an example of kindness and gentleness towards children. Jesus
said in Mark
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Copyright; 1999 by Charles F. (Rick) Creech
All Rights Reserved